Lets be clear, I am not in love with him. I don't even want to date him. But when he told me he slept with someone at school, I snapped into retreat mode like a turtle into her shell. "Oh, yeah, of course you did. I mean, whatever."
It is ever so hard for me to put my feelings for this precious boy into words.
I was not mad at him for touching another girl, but I was destroyed by him for proving me right. He gave me another reason to thicken this guard between the world and me. This wall is hindering to my life and I try, I really try sometimes to take it down. But then the guy from high school who is technically still married texts me to hook up and faith is again lost.
I know how cruel people are to each other. And even worse than that, how dishonest they become. People love love. And so they fool themselves into thinking they've found it and publicise this "perfect love" all over... but in truth, no stomachs involved have butterflies.
And then when faking infatuation gets old, they text me, asking for a picture...
Maybe I'm the only one in tune to reality or maybe I'm a cynical bitch, but my belief in true love is slipping away. I know that seems like a line of drama, but trust me, I wish it was. I'm terrified the wall is so thick, I'll never start believing again... and you can't find something you won't believe in.
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